I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
