I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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