I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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