Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she told me i tasted like america
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
