My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
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