I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
