Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
