Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
