Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
