Who wears a wallet chain?!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
