and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
