My liver just broke up with me...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
