Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
