There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
