I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
