the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
