Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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