know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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