Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
