I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
