Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
