she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
