hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
