just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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