Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
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