I cut my penus on the lid.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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