I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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