Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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