I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I want to fling myself into the sun
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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