Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He shit in the fireplace
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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