im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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