Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize