I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
