Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
