Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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