Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
