You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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