I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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