just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
