I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
