his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
