I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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