if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Alive.
So much puke
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
