babies were throwing up all over the place
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
