I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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