Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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