Do you still have your period?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
