I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
