Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
