No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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