Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
