are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
