My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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