YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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