She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
